A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
