I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
