At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We need to get me chipped asap
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
