So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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