I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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