sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The uberlube is also flammable
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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