apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
