All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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