And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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