if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
