I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
