she woke up with a sticky ear
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
