Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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