Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
