my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
