I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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