mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
