I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
