Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
