But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
