Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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