I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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