Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
