Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
