Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
