Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
