there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
