I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
