She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
