What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
