I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I will be naked everywhere
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize