I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
