The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
