She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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