the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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