I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
