so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
