i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The Olympian is in my bed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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