my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
