Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
