Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
