Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
