I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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