God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
