im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
