dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
