I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Shame is for Republicans.
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