I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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