I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
