Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
