Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
