We named our party play list daddy issues
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
