we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
