is your mom at the bar?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
