actually, I'm a sock model
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
