apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
