what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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