I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
