I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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