I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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