i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
