dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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