Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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