Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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