You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
