Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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