I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
a search helicopter?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
