woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
